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Terrifying Train Track Mine Story (Nudes)

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Hey! Thank you for sticking with me. I'm trying to quit my anti-anxiety/depression medication because they've been giving me nerve pains and screaming tinnitus, and now I'm in the part of my recovery where I still have all the side-effects and withdrawal symptoms, but none of the benefits, so I've been on an emotional bender the past week. 

I sent personal monthly videos yesterday with exception of one :) and tomorrow I'll post a dance video. 

The Story Behind This Shoot

This set was from last year when I made regular trips to Las Vegas. It was the middle of the summer, blazing hot, and the photographer wanted to shoot in an abandoned mine shaft and ACTIVE train tracks. The mine was super fun and gave me insane ankle strengthening exercises walking on broken limestone in stilettos. He really wanted to shoot me lying down on the train tracks, and I was nervous but agreed. We shot a little bit and I heard the train horn, "Whooooooo"  and I told him I wanted to leave. He said, "No, no it's fine. I shoot here all the time. I know all about trains. I know the sounds. It's not close by. Let's keep shooting." And as an downtrodden little Asian women, I learned to defer to authority, especially since I need the money and sometimes photographers like to push or yell at me. So I kept shooting. "Whooooooo" The train was closer. I told him I was scared. I lived my whole life by a train. It's getting louder. I want to go. "No, no," he said, reasserting his train, field, and photography expertise. "WHOOO!" The train is eerily loud now. I said, "I can't do this. I need to go. I'm scared. I'm sorry." and I scampered off with my tail between my legs down the rocks below the tracks, defeated. Thirty seconds later, 

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Train roars by, shaking the earth and throwing up debris. My skull and my ribs are shaking from the tremors. I don't know if you've ever stood next to a freight train going at full speed, but it's a force to behold. After the train leaves, I look at the photographer, he's in a sweat, staring forward. 

I really wish I grew up learning strength instead of weakness. It's common in many societies to teach children to obey and fear rather than to be strong and empowered. Many cultures routinely break their girls mentally like horses to teach them deference, submissiveness, and service to men, family, authority, anyone but themselves. 

Modeling has been my journey to reclaim myself, to fully own myself, my body, my life, and my spirit. Many scary things have happened to me, instead of letting fear rule my life and in the home, I've approached these fears head on and learned strength and conviction in the process. Instead of growing up soft and weak, spoon-fed indoctrinations through a slotted wall, waiting for permission to live, I ran away and became a wild and feral thing. And I'm a better friend, lover, and artist for it. Thank you for being part of my journey! 

What terrifying experience did you learn from? 

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Access Link:

Nude photosets available to $4, $9, $18, $29, $49, $99, and $150Patrons 

Hehe I've got Asia Fever

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I'm so excited that Asia Abendroth  is coming to the Bay Area Sept 6-10 and asked to work with me! She's one of the most well-known models on Modelmayhem and I've looked up to her for a long time. I remember a photographer I worked with glowed about her and talked about the first time he worked with her, she jumped on his couch and quoted The Chappelle Show

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I'm really excited to shoot with her and share the results with you!! Ahhhh, it's gonna be so great :D

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Some more of her info:

Asia's Instagram 

Asia's Facebook 

Asia's Modelmayhem 

Can't wait to blow up your feed with hot Asian action! 

Eek! Weight Gain Before Fashion Show

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I try not to weigh myself in order to stay sane, but took a peak today before my Saturday fashion show, and yikes! I'm the heaviest I've been in three years. That, and I get a message from my designer this morning informing me that I'm going to be wearing nothing but ethnic Hmong body jewelry... 

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Add to that, this model is pretty tiny. This figure is super coveted in the fashion industry and looks absolutely stunning on the runway, but I've never looked like this in my life. 

Coupled with that, I'm eating now better than ever, less stress-eating, and get enough exercise for a great bubble butt right now, but I've gotten comfy with my life and finally kicked all antidepressants. Which is great, but can also lead to weight gain (30% more likely to go up a weight class than untreated), especially the critical time window of 2-3 years after treatment, which is where I'm at. 

But dammit, I'm way too happy. I love you guys, life is great, food is delicious. So this will be the first time I'll try to lose weight without being super unhappy with how things are right now with my life. I love being curvy, but curvy body types don't gel naturally with fashion body types, and I want to slay this show and jump back into modeling like I never have before. To keep track, I've posted a video of my body right now and will update before my show and during the months after. 

What do you want to improve about yourself right now?

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Access Link:

Fun videosets available to $9, $18, $29, $49, $99, and $150 Patrons 

I made a new Patreon Intro Video!

It's funny once you get over the weird little emotional or mental blocks to getting something done, it can flow out of your fingertips in no time at all. Ever since I've taken on a very public life, I've been compulsively taken little videos whenever I can. It's a little bit annoying because precious moments usually can't wait to record two videos, so I have to choose between horizontal for Youtube or TV which I don't often use, or vertical for most social media. It is what it is, hope you enjoy! 

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FB/IG Fun and Sexy Video Bank

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How are you! We're up a bit late :) If you follow either my Instagram or Facebook stories, you'll know that I post goofy little videos of myself and my life every day. I try to keep them playful and interesting. I can't stand other models' stories that are only their selfies with dog filters or shots of their food. Anyways, they're about 5-15 seconds long and disappear forever into the ether of the internet after 24 hours, and I have hundreds of these archived that I'd like to share with you over time. I posted 51 cute, silly ones, and 14 sexy, slinky ones, to thank you again for supporting me.

Car Nerding Stuff

I'm watching instructional videos because I want to start a sexy girl car detailing side gig so I can get more jobs near home instead of out of state, and wow, I had no idea detailing was soooo complex. I'm only going to learn the basics because I feel like that's what most people want, but it's nice to watch why my work won't look like the pros. Cleaning a cloudy headlight takes about ten steps with multiple grades of sanding, polishing, conditioning, and sealing. Cleaning a windshield first uses a razor blade to shear off dirt that's deeply bonded to the glass, and that looks so easy to fuck up and scratch the glass :O 

Detailing can be astonishingly technical and tools and techniques used are informed by material, chemistry, porosity, pressure, temperature, etc that bonds dirt or degrades the surface through decades of extreme conditions. It's easy to nerd out and I can see why it's a passion for some people, weird, weird OCD people who are too broke to buy fancy cars but can sure as hell clean them XD 

But the results are magical. You can take a beat up, old ass, historic car rotting in someone's garage, and lovingly polish it up to look better than brand new, just glowing, and glass smooth. I can take my dinged up 2013 Honda Fit that's been with me through cross country road trips, literal spilled milk in the upholstery, fender benders, water damage, etc, and hopefully make it young, bright, and beautiful again. Man, if only we could detail ourselves when we're old like we can our cars XD

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Access Link:

Fun videosets available to $9, $18, $29, $49, $99, and $150 Patrons 

Sexy videosets available to $18, $29, $49, $99, and $150 Patrons 

Smeepy 🐋

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Good evening! I scheduled an exclusive Patreon vid chat tonight but it turns out it's going to take a few more steps to get that set up here and I'm totally beat, so I'll send you guys a photoset and striptease video on Sunday! And a sneak peak at the photo I'll post on my social media next week (above). I'm also going to the food bank for the first time tomorrow and I'll show you my little haul :)

Thank you so much again for your continued support, I thank my lucky stars for you every day. Cheers to a new month! 

My Yellowstone Vid is Up!!

 

Yay I finished my Yellowstone video to share with you! Thank you so much for supporting my little side projects. Now that I have you all, I have no idea how I lived and how I will live without you to help me and to share my experiences with you. I need to keep things really tight and short on social media for marketing, so it's so nice to have a long form place here where I can post anything I damn please :D

Moving to Berkeley! 

Side note, today I filled out my rental application for an apt in Berkeley that I'm sharing with friends. We're shuffling the rent a bit so I pay less than listed, but it was funny to write RENT: $847.03/mo, INCOME: $1,000/mo (THANK YOU PATREON!!!!). My last place was rent-controlled with a sweet 76 year-old man who lived there forever with late stage diabetes. He was wonderful and like a grandfather to me, but I couldn't cook because the kitchen was dirty and full of rotten food, and everything kind of smells like urine and illness. It's an absolute steal at $750/mo, and I beat out 30 other applicants for the slot. I posted the opening on CL two days ago and already have 36 applications for the room. 

Things still don't quite work out financially for me yet, but you guys help SO MUCH. I can't wait to have a real job again, but have had to put my life on hold for the past two years due to crippling PTSD, and anxiety. I've never shared it in public before, but I think it'll be really helpful for me, and I'll share tiny tidbits on privately on my Patreon. Maybe we can get through our things together! 

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Lots of hugs and kisses!!

Patron Suspension/ Vacation in Yellowstone!

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Good evening! You probably noticed some changes in my Patreon lately. My account got suspended for non-family friendly content (gasp!) and it took me a couple of days to get it back. It turns out I can't have any nude photos, even censored, posted publicly, so I had to lock my juicy content to Patron-Only until I reformat my entire page. This shouldn't affect anything for existing Patrons, it just hurts my current ability to attract new ones. I kind of lost my shit for a bit over this, but luckily now I'm in Yellowstone enjoying a nice internet break. 

Yellowstone National Park

Anyways, I arrived in Yellowstone yesterday after I missed my connecting flight and spent a night in Seattle without any clothes other than the slinky, form-fitting polyester dress I had on. So I arrived at my friend's place at midnight soaked in rain and shivering like a chihuahua. We visited the Bozeman Museum of the Rockies which was a dream for paleontology nerds. I also saw one of those Crisis Pregnancy Centers, pseudo-medical facilities that bait and switch desperate young mothers. John Oliver did a segment on them.  

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God, if I had the time and no people around, I'd do SO many nude shots on and around this van with my belly puffed out like I'm three months pregnant. 

Anyways, I put my vacation photos so far in my Dropbox for you :) I should have much juicier stuff soon, like climbing trees or lying by a roaring river naked, but it's been freakishly cold today and busy because of the weekend, so I need to wait until Tuesday to shoot what I really want. Thanks for sticking with me while I get some R&R! 

What's your favorite vacation so far?________________________________________________________________________________

Access Link:

Fun photosets available to $1, $4, $9, $18, $29, $49, $99, and $150Patrons